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A Cold Day in Hell


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#1 YUNG MASTERLESS GLENCOUR

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Posted 06 December 2011 - 05:02 PM

I wrote this real fast while the idea was in my head. A Dark Souls fanfic. Let me know if you think it's any good!

I'll try to clean it up when I get time, since I didn't get to proofread (I'm still at work). Sorry if it's bulky.

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I just wanted to slay evil. I met Gywndolin and bowed before her so that I could receive her protection. I became a Blade of the Darkmoon so that I could do the right thing.

My weapon of choice was a lightning-imbued spear I had found in Sen's Fortress, but I was also quite adept at magic. I wielded a sorcerer's catalyst that allowed me to hurl devastating soul arrows at my enemies. None that stood before my assault stood for long. To protect myself, I wore the suit and shield of Havel the Rock, whose armaments I found in Anor Lando, itself. He was mighty, and now I was mightier still. The Chosen Undead. What villain could stand before such a warrior?

I faced my first phantom near the Altar of the Darkmoon, inside an alternate world called the Painted World of Ariamis. It was reached by entering a painting with the aid of a strange doll I found in my old cell in the Asylum. I entered, and activated my blue eye stone. A sinner was found immediately, and I checked my gear one last time to make sure I was ready. Never had I been more ready.

I stood up, blazing as a dark blue phantom. Here I was, a spirit of vengeance, ready to slay all who would defile the sanctity of Anor Lando. It was cold here, and snowy. I was standing on a rickity plank bridge, and before me was a fairly dense foliage. I ran straight into it, not fearing the cowardly sinners who were no doubt fleeing from me this very moment..

I ran past the first bonfire, and soon saw the gates of the fortress that sat here in the Painted World. A breathtaking sight, really. I reached the gate, and noticed that the undead that were stationed here had already been slain. My enemy was on the move, clearly. They could not escape me.

No sooner had I finished the thought was I punched right in the kidney from behind and kicked to the floor. The vile sinner had ambushed me, no doubt like he had done to countless innocent adventurers, but he had never met one such as me! I was stunned at the moment, but my incredible vigor and armor protected me from any real damage; more a blow to my pride than to my body. I rose to my feet and pointed my spear at the sinner, to let him know this day he would pay for his crimes. He simply shrugged at me and drew his sword. It was a disgusting weapon, a massive curved blade seemingly forged from bones and disease. He wore the armor of Smough the Executioner, someone I had slain in my earlier adventures, and wore a hideous crown upon a more hideous brow. This fool couldn't possibly hope to match me in combat. This will be easy. You missed your chance, friend. Now you pay for your crimes.

I charged forward, and I could not believe my eyes, but he cartwheeled right past me to my left, and drove his sword right into my back just like he had done a moment before with his fist. The pain was incredible, and I fought hard to not pass out. I got up slowly, but it was a terrible blow, and the disease all over his weapon was now coursing through my body. I struggled to focus, and I raised my shield to protect myself, but this foul being stared at me and laughed. My face was burning with a combination of rage and contagion, and for a moment I lost all reason and charged again. Right as I was about to bring my spear to bear down on this fat fiend, I was grabbed from behind and yanked back. Another phantom was here all along! Dastards! He grabbed me and I felt all control escape my body. He was pulling the humanity right out of me. It felt horrible, and I couldn't do anything about it. I started to cry from the rage, dispair, and embarrassment of being violated in such a way. I would not let this go unavenged! He pulled a good portion of my humanity from my body and threw me to the floor like dirty clothes. I rose to face the scoundrels again, but the familiar feeling of being violated raced through my body again, as yet another hand penetrated me and pulled my humanity out. The two of them stood over my body, taking turns stealing my humanity until I had none left. They knew I had none left, because they continued to force their dark hands into my being and look for their foul prize.

I was dying. Bruised, sick, and humiliated, but I was a man, still, and with that I rose to my feet and took a defensive position. They looked at me with blank expressions, I suspect at the sight of such unmatchable resolve. I took my chance, and swallowed a humanity I kept hidden in my sleeve for emergencies, then ate some moss to purge the toxins. I was again renewed, and this would be the second wind I needed to emerge victorious! The blank looks desolved into cruel glares, and at that moment I felt something run down my spine. Was this fear? Had they shaken me to my very core? No! A true Blade of the Darkmoon fears no evil! I will do what is right!

I advanced upon the two cautiously, hoping to force an opening with which I could strike. They split up and started walking around me, no doubt looking to drive their weapons through my back like the cowards they are, but I was ready this time. Right before the two were positioned directly in front of me and behind me, I struck. I rushed as fast as I could and stabbed with all my might. My spear struck true, but the fat one barely seemed to notice. He looked at my spear as I pulled it back, then at his admittedly small wound, then back at me, and only smiled. This is when I realized that I could not win. I suddenly felt very heavy, and I stepped back. I'm not sure why I did it...maybe I was recoiling from the horror of the realization? I stepped right into the body of the other phantom, who wore the head of the armored tusk, presumably as a grim trophy he claimed during his own travels. He jammed his dark hand deep into me, stealing my last humanity, and hurling me at the feet of the fat one. He looked down, now with a kind of bored expression, and he slammed his sword right through my stomach. I was defeated. My body no longer responded at all, and I could feel my essence fading from the world. The two of them danced and jeered at me, and the fat one kept squatting over my face and grinding his armored groin into my face. Never had I been so humiliated. I couldn't stop crying at what they had done to me. It was so jarring for me that I lost track of why I was even really crying, and I my being went limp. As a final humiliation, I defecated myself in my armor. I am sure now that this was how they had planned it all along.

I haven't left Firelink Shrine since. Good does not triumph here; this is no fairy tale world. A curse upon all who live in this realm!

Edited by YUNG ADULT CONTEMPORARY, 29 April 2013 - 07:01 PM.

Fanfic: The Return of Owen, A Cold Day in Hell, Armored Core: Hachi-No-Ki , why i hate acu
[SoD]

View PostBakuhatsu Pengin, on 15 December 2016 - 04:53 AM, said:

TALL AND TAN AND YUNG AND LOVELY


#2 SUMERIAN BLOOD GOD

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Posted 06 December 2011 - 06:31 PM

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View PostPenguin Deus, on May 9 2010, 07:13 PM, said:

I bet part of the outcome would be unimaginable amounts of women being both pregnant and dead simultaneously.

Penguin Deus said:

I was looking at ice cream and thinking about Gucci Mane.

View PostJackson, on 06 November 2013 - 01:26 PM, said:

Ninety is extremely tsundere.


#3 Nomrah

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Posted 06 December 2011 - 09:57 PM

Exceptional writing, very descriptive. Evoked vivid imagery in my head, it'll be hard to forget. And that face! "Bad" endings are so good, a little depressing but they bring out a strong emotional reaction.

The story had me not only laughing but also feeling horrible inside, a most curious combination that only the best writers can acheive!

View PostPenguin Deus, on 06 December 2011 - 05:02 PM, said:

Right as I was about to bring my spear to bear down on this fat fiend, I was grabbed from behind and yanked back. Another phantom was here all along! Dastards! He grabbed me and I felt all control escape my body. He was pulling the humanity right out of me. It felt horrible, and I couldn't do anything about it. I started to cry from the rage, dispair, and embarrassment of being violated in such a way. I would not let this go unavenged! He pulled a good portion of my humanity from my body and threw me to the floor like dirty clothes. I rose to face the scoundrels again, but the familiar feeling of being violated raced through my body again, as yet another hand penetrated me and pulled my humanity out. The two of them stood over my body, taking turns stealing my humanity until I had none left. They knew I had none left, because they continued to force their dark hands into my being and look for their foul prize.

Edited by Nomrah, 06 December 2011 - 10:03 PM.

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#4 Ethos

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Posted 06 December 2011 - 11:45 PM

This was so good. I couldn't comment cause I was at work, but ya. Awesome.

You should write a book.

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#5 YUNG MASTERLESS GLENCOUR

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Posted 07 December 2011 - 11:29 AM

haha I can't imagine writing a book of troll stories.

Fanfic: The Return of Owen, A Cold Day in Hell, Armored Core: Hachi-No-Ki , why i hate acu
[SoD]

View PostBakuhatsu Pengin, on 15 December 2016 - 04:53 AM, said:

TALL AND TAN AND YUNG AND LOVELY


#6 Donald J. Trump

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Posted 07 December 2011 - 11:36 AM

And to think the American short-story is dead.

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#7 Ethos

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Posted 07 December 2011 - 01:37 PM

Dope.

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#8 The Talentless

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Posted 07 December 2011 - 07:21 PM

I didn't really like it.
On the plus side, 300th post for me.

View Postexogen, on Aug 25 2011, 04:45 PM, said:

Really I am jacks dick.

#9 YUNG MASTERLESS GLENCOUR

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Posted 07 December 2011 - 07:27 PM

That's unfortunate. :(

Fanfic: The Return of Owen, A Cold Day in Hell, Armored Core: Hachi-No-Ki , why i hate acu
[SoD]

View PostBakuhatsu Pengin, on 15 December 2016 - 04:53 AM, said:

TALL AND TAN AND YUNG AND LOVELY


#10 The Talentless

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Posted 07 December 2011 - 08:35 PM

I liked the defecation and the t-bagging bit, though.

View Postexogen, on Aug 25 2011, 04:45 PM, said:

Really I am jacks dick.

#11 Nomrah

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Posted 07 December 2011 - 09:29 PM

But not the overwhelming sense of humiliation and helplessness? It was like the most depressing rape scene ever.
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#12 YUNG MASTERLESS GLENCOUR

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Posted 08 December 2011 - 11:03 AM

Admittedly its a drastically different prose compared to my last work. I can't blame him for not liking it.

Fanfic: The Return of Owen, A Cold Day in Hell, Armored Core: Hachi-No-Ki , why i hate acu
[SoD]

View PostBakuhatsu Pengin, on 15 December 2016 - 04:53 AM, said:

TALL AND TAN AND YUNG AND LOVELY


#13 Donald J. Trump

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Posted 08 December 2011 - 12:55 PM

You can't please all of the people all of the time, bro.

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#14 YUNG MASTERLESS GLENCOUR

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Posted 08 December 2011 - 01:06 PM

Word is bond

Fanfic: The Return of Owen, A Cold Day in Hell, Armored Core: Hachi-No-Ki , why i hate acu
[SoD]

View PostBakuhatsu Pengin, on 15 December 2016 - 04:53 AM, said:

TALL AND TAN AND YUNG AND LOVELY


#15 YUNG MASTERLESS GLENCOUR

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Posted 08 December 2011 - 05:32 PM

Nah Jackson's got his opinion and it didn't seem absurd to me. I got no beef with dood.

I'm more interested in watching that pic.

Fanfic: The Return of Owen, A Cold Day in Hell, Armored Core: Hachi-No-Ki , why i hate acu
[SoD]

View PostBakuhatsu Pengin, on 15 December 2016 - 04:53 AM, said:

TALL AND TAN AND YUNG AND LOVELY


#16 OLDER BALDER FATTER SLOWER

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Posted 09 December 2011 - 11:57 PM

That was a pretty great read. I was expecting great domination, and you delivered, but not from the side I expected.

Most paragraphs starting with "I" drives me a little crazy, though. It's really more a display/visual flaw than a writing one, but that kind of thing just nags at me.

#17 YUNG MASTERLESS GLENCOUR

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Posted 10 December 2011 - 12:59 AM

I had to abuse "I" to accentuate how ego-centric the guy was. I wanted you to think "man this guy is full of shit."

I hate eccessive "I" as well, and it is certainly a writing flaw if done wrong...which it usually is.

Fanfic: The Return of Owen, A Cold Day in Hell, Armored Core: Hachi-No-Ki , why i hate acu
[SoD]

View PostBakuhatsu Pengin, on 15 December 2016 - 04:53 AM, said:

TALL AND TAN AND YUNG AND LOVELY


#18 Nomrah

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Posted 10 December 2011 - 01:22 AM

Sort of like song lyrics that repeatedly say "you".

Edited by Nomrah, 10 December 2011 - 01:22 AM.

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#19 Ethos

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Posted 10 December 2011 - 04:40 AM


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#20 Nomrah

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Posted 10 December 2011 - 12:31 PM

View PostEthos, on 10 December 2011 - 04:40 AM, said:



0:29 - "Ahhhhh yooouuuu! Soulja boy up ina ho! Wameh crankey wammy roh! Wammy crank dat soulja boy! den supa man that ho!"

Edited by Nomrah, 10 December 2011 - 04:40 PM.

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