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The Dark Tower (series)


Chris Mckibbin

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The books

The graphic-novels

The movie (maybe)

The original poem (http://www.stephenking.com/DarkTower/childe_roland.html)

And now even the song (

)

I need to finish this amazing series (library never got past Wolves of the Calla), and I've never had the cash for the graphic novels. On to the point, this is the thread to discuss that gun-slinging bad ass Roland and his long half physical/ half metaphorical journey. If no-one has read the series, well this topic won't be completely pointless because maybe one of you will gain some interest.

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It really is a great series, what surprised me the most is how he ties in almost all of his books in with the series. Tell your buddy it's basically a life or death thing and you need that book. It really starts to pick up there with the fourth being my favorite so far.
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The fourth book really does suck. It should have been, like, a third of its length. Maybe. The third book is pretty slow too, but not nearly as bad as the fourth, and it has some really interesting concepts, so I'm willing to forgive it is horrible pacing. The fifth picks up again, and the sixth is hella slow again. The first, second, and seventh books, however, are the epic shit from hell.

 

Vague and nonspecific spoilers from here on out.

 

The whole sequence at the end of the second book is probably one of my favorites scenes in written fiction. The whole book is basically this long, slow, agonizing grinddown that's honestly pretty sad and painful to read, and then in about ten minutes an opportunity is presented, fucking seized with a planet-shattering grip, and has the ever-loving deathfuck choked out of it. I mean Jesus. You give this guy half an inch and he'll fucking blow the door off its hinges and slam you through the seventeen walls behind you like you're Daffy Duck and he's Bugs Bunny. Or something. Mixed metaphors for the win.

 

With that said, I felt the whole series was actually rather short on that sort of thing. In the whole like 3000 pages of this series there are really only three or four scenes where Roland is actually finally forced to get down to it and kick some serious ass, and except for the one at the end of the second book they all felt rather lacking to me. They were all kind of vague and dreamlike, like Robin McKinley was writing them or something. I guess that, given some of the implications of the ending, I should be glad that there were as many as there were...but it seems a shame to write a 3000-page epic about a semi-Arthurian ninja cowboy and have him kick ass so infrequently.

 

I did like how the paradox in books 1-3 is handled so cleverly, though. That character really became the heart of the later books to me. And Mort has always intrigued me too. I was surprised that his fate wasn't somewhat different (especially given the series' ending).

 

Speaking of that ending, it is really fantastic. I couldn't imagine another one. The scenes just before it were kind of weird and out of place, but the ending was just perfect.

 

Most of the songs refer to the Dark Tower only thematically, drawing correlations between the series and other works of fiction (like LOTR in the song I linked, Moby Dick in Beneath These Waves, etc.), but this is very appropriate considering how referential and multiverse-y the series gets towards the end, and how King ties most of his works to it.

 

Speaking of that, I'm surprised by how well it worked. Especially all that stuff in the 6th book, with who they have to save...somehow, that made it work for me. I would usually be annoyed by all this referential stuff because it implies a floating timeline, but Eddie goes a long way towards fixing that merely by existing, as does the guy they save in the 6th book.

 

Also, the movie. What the fuck, man. How can you not cast Liam Neeson as Roland Deschain? How is that even possible? Mark Harmon or Hugh Jackman at least. Not that guy from No Country For Old Men. What the fuck. At least it wasn't Christian Bale though, and I'd heard rumors to that effect.

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Which guy from No Country? Josh Brolin, Javier Bardem, or TLJ? TLJ is older than I imagined Roley to be but I think he has the right stuff for the role. Brolin could work. Bardem would be ridiculous. I don't know who Mark Harmon is off the top of my head but I don't like Hugh Jackman for the role at all. He looks the part but I don't like him as an actor.

 

Ok, I googled Mark Harmon. I don't like him for it. Every picture I see of him has this little smirk or some raised eyebrows and he just looks too friendly. Daniel Craig is almost right for the role but he doesn't have the build or the hair/complexion I imagined. Viggo Mortensen, Timothy Olyphant with contacts, Danny DeVito.

 

We need to dip Clint Eastwood in the fountain of youth for a little bit and then it would be perfect.

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Bardem would be ridiculous, yes. That's why it's so horrible that he's playing Roland. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Dark_Tower_series_film_adaptation

 

Daniel Craig and Viggo Mortenson would be good too. Mark Harmon is Gibbs from NCIS. He is only friendly when he's playing Mark Harmon, haha. Clint Eastwood is obviously optimal, yes, especially given that one scene from book 6 or 5 or whatever it was, but I would prefer time travel to the fountain of youth.

 

Tommy Lee Jones should play Cort. I'd hoped that Eastwood would at least play him, but I think he's too old even for that now.

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  • 4 weeks later...

The fourth book really does suck. It should have been, like, a third of its length. Maybe. The third book is pretty slow too, but not nearly as bad as the fourth, and it has some really interesting concepts, so I'm willing to forgive it is horrible pacing. The fifth picks up again, and the sixth is hella slow again. The first, second, and seventh books, however, are the epic shit from hell.

 

I think, though the pace dropped, the third was the most interesting, in that I kept putting down the book and thinking/musing.

 

We need to dip Clint Eastwood in the fountain of youth for a little bit and then it would be perfect.

 

Roland is old as hell! His JOINTS are almost ground-away! That said, though, acting the part would probably be as dangerous for Eastwood as the story is for Deschain. (AMIRITElol)

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Eastwood is too old. Editing could make it workable, maybe, but it couldn't make it good.

 

The Crimson King is described as looking like Santa Claus, if I recall, so Hopkins would be a better fit than Walken. I can actually see Walken as Callahan, or however he spells himself, more than anyone else, although he'd also be a good choice for Cort.

 

Also, Harrison Motherfucking Ford. Ten years ago I would have wanted him for Roland, but now I'd say Cort.

 

I think, though the pace dropped, the third was the most interesting, in that I kept putting down the book and thinking/musing.

I wouldn't say most interesting, as the first one is by far the most interesting to me, but that was pretty much my point otherwise. There were really cool concepts in that book, and they saved it for me. Four didn't have nearly enough cool concepts per page to save it.
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