Airport Security

[Magnus]

just got a whole lot kinkier.

 

Ever seen a softcore porn? You're getting in on some of that everytime you go to the airport with baggy pants. The only downside: chances are it'll be a dude doing it. And they don't even have to be that baggy.

 

So remember, when flying: hot pants. It's significantly less gay than wearing baggy pants to an airport now.

[Tsuranga]

I'm already used to getting the shit frisked out of me before raves so I don't know why everyone is throwing such a fit. I'm so used to it I make the security uncomfortable XD

 

It's also fun fucking with them too and saying shit like "Aren't you supposed to take me to dinner first or something?"

[YUNG MASTERLESS GLENCOUR]

I'm so used to it I make the security uncomfortable XD

 

You pop a boner huh? I bet that'd make them uncomfortable.

 

Unless they like boys. Then they turn the tables again and we get Deliverance all over again.

 

But with neon lights.

[Tsuranga]

Naw I don't do that >_< I just give off super IDGAF vibes.

[Shirtless Crackhead]

Here's an idea, do what the Israeli's do, armed soldiers on airplanes.

[Tsuranga]

[Shirtless Crackhead]

Of course, I don't see why we can't just give everyone a gun; then we're all on an equal playing field.

[Adonael]

Does the term wild wild west mean anything to you?

 

 

I've never had any problems in airports but then again I don't wear my pants like a retard.

[Tsuranga]

god I wish we all could carry guns..... it's the FUCKING SECOND AMENDMENT!!

 

seriosly wtf? is our costitution not worth the paper it's printed on?

[Artdeux]

god I wish we all could carry guns..... it's the FUCKING SECOND AMENDMENT!!

 

seriosly wtf? is our costitution not worth the paper it's printed on?

Not since the Homeland Security Act.

 

Also, a gun-shot on a plane could decompress the cabin. That'd be one uncomfortable ride.

Edited November 19, 2010 by Artdeux

[Exorcet]

What we need are two armed fighters flying along side every airliner. So I could could watch the FBW auto trim them over the course of the flight.

 

Also, a gun-shot on a plane could decompress the cabin. That'd be one uncomfortable ride.

 

 

Then, we obviously need tasers.

 

And I guess, I don't mind airport security.

[ch00beh]

i should pop a boner every time they use the porn scanner

[Shirtless Crackhead]

Bullet holes won't explosively decompress the cabin, mythbusters tested that.

[Artdeux]

Bullet holes won't explosively decompress the cabin, mythbusters tested that.

Hence why I said "uncomfortable ride". Having to wear the mask for the rest of the trip would do that.

[Tsuranga]

Edited November 26, 2010 by Tsuranga

[Shirtless Crackhead]

Here's my solution(s).

 

#1. No more carry-on luggage.

 

Only what you can carry in your pockets, period.

 

This separates people from their luggage, which means luggage all goes through x-ray.

 

This solves 99% of the threat, it also means less TSA agents have to stand around to rummage through your stuff, wasting time and money.

 

#2. Everyone else goes through a metal detector, somewhat standard procedure.

 

TSA will hand you back everything that's non-electronic, source of ignition, or could possibly be used as a weapon.

 

You turn your pockets inside out (the ones you can), and walk through the metal detector.

 

#3. Random searches, the ticket is randomly encoded to mark you for search or non-search, TSA agents can call for a random search if they feel justified.

 

#4. Get on plane.

 

This and obviously making it mandatory that all commercial airplanes have secure cockpit doors, that do not open during flight, and can resist small arms fire, small bombs, and any other means of entry that would be available to your would-be hijacker.

 

~

 

You could also start adding a marker on driver's licenses and stuff that can tell a TSA agent you have a metallic medical device, like a plate in the skull or something that might set off a metal-detector that's non-removable from the body. This also can be added on automatically to a ticket so that they can just pull you aside, check your pockets and wand you, then send you on your marry way.

 

Seems pretty fool-proof, why not start being smart about these things?

Edited November 26, 2010 by DangerWorldWide

[Magnus]

Some guy appeared on the news, going to the airport in nothing but underwear. He said he did it to save the trouble.

[Shirtless Crackhead]

Smart guy, I might start doing the same.

[Pendragon]

Those are some good safety measures, with the exception of the secure cockpit door. Incase one of those pilots suffers a heart attack or some form of stroke, they might need the assistance of one of the stewardesses. Hopefully one of them would be able to emergency land.

 

Though I guess in that case they could have a lever on the pilot's side that disengages the cockpit door.

[Exorcet]

It's OK, the pilot would only be flying half of the time anyway since there is autopilot. And there's a co pilot too. Also, I don't think you would be flying a plane with a heart attack, stewardess or not.

[YUNG MASTERLESS GLENCOUR]

Well, Exorcet, he did say pilots. I think he had both guys in mind. I think Pendragon's point is valid.

 

I think the simplest fix would be just have a marshall or two on each plane with a taser. I imagine that's not the most efficient fix but I think it'd be the most straightfoward. Taking away carry-on luggage is kind of lame since long flights are much easier with stuff like books and the like to read, or if you're sitting business class and up with a laptop and stuff. I kind of hate it when ppl whip out laptops in economy since it's cramped enough as it is, but that's neither here nor there. A lot of the people who have been caught with bombs and other dangerous materials have been hiding them in their pockets or in another part of their clothes.

 

I like the ID marker thing for having metal in your body, though. That could be a big help I think, and not just at airports.

[Shirtless Crackhead]

I'm going to open up an airline that has no safety regulations, just an armored cockpit, and two armed pilots.

 

Think of it as mass transit gone airborne, buy a ticket get on, like a subway or bus, no funny shit, just a really tough plane.

[YUNG MASTERLESS GLENCOUR]

You should also have guards on it. Like a dood with a smg chilling outside the cockpit door ready to spray doods.

 

I think if I open an airline I'd require every passenger to wear a sack over their heads and get their hands tied behind their backs with zip ties. No armored doors or anything. Just one man with a smg, sacks and zip ties for everyone, and call it good. I wouldn't even bother with metal detectors or anything anymore.

[Tsuranga]

They can 't have armed guards on international flights because of some weird international arms bullshit laws. It's the same shit that happens with the Somali pirates. two snipers would protect that entire ship from a bunch of poor n*****s on a raft. But because of some really dumb international laws, they can't carry any weapons on "civilian" transportation. And putting UN troopers would be pointless too, because UN troops cannot fire unless fired on not once, but TWICE.... so yeah... dumb international laws prevent us from being able to effectively and efficiently protect ourselves

[YUNG MASTERLESS GLENCOUR]

Okay, no guns then. How about Shaolin monks?

 

I imagine the sacks and zip ties are still kosher?